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Coaches are from
Earth...Parents are from another world:
By Dr Craig Stewart - Professor, Health & Human
Development, Montana State University
- Introduction
- What Do Parents Want?
- Administrative Support
There is a joke among American coaches that the best
place to coach is a juvenile penal institution. Why?...
Three reasons ...no recruiting, no away games, and no
parents!
An exaggeration? Not likely! In a presentation at a
national soccer coaches' meeting a few years ago, then
head coach of the USA Women's National Team, Anson
Dorrance, was asked what it was like just to have won
the first Women's World Cup (in China) and wasn't he
glad he did not have to deal with parents while coaching
that team. He laughed and related that after the awards
ceremony in China, as he was leaving the field, he was
approached by two sets of parents who had made the trip
to watch their daughters compete.
Expecting to receive additional congratulations, he
was taken aback by being admonished by the parents
because their daughters had not received enough playing
time to justify their trip to China. If it can happen at
that level, it can happen anywhere.
The continual struggle between coaches, their players
and parents will continue to exist. However, if coaches
failure to address it, it can have serious effects on
their team, their players, and potentially their
careers. Too many coaches are walking
away from the profession because of the stress of
dealing with parents.
What Do Parents Want?
The initial step in avoiding some of the issues with
parents is attempting to see things through their eyes.
Probably few coaches have ever sat down with parents and
asked them to articulate what their goals and
expectations were for their child's participation in
sport. It is extremely enlightening.
My first attempt (Stewart, 1994) resulted in a
publication in which the responses of nearly 100
families of high school athletes were reported. The
parents were asked to rank coaching characteristics from
most to least important. Approximately the same number
of fathers and mothers responded.
The realization that parents might not value certain
characteristics such as winning as much as coaches did
could have serious implications for the athletic
program. It was hypothesized that determining team goals
prior to the season, or in many cases, prior to tryouts
or registration, could prevent later conflicts.
In another study (1996), parents of over two hundred
high school athletes provided their views on
sportsmanship and the primary function of sport
involvement for their child. I found that
'sportsmanship' was highly valued by these parents,
though fathers and mothers viewed it somewhat
differently.
Though not statistically different, fathers' scores
on a 'sportsmanship' exam were lower than mothers. More
importantly was the apparent confusion related to some
aspects of 'sportsmanship'. On two items, parents
exhibited their confusion on the characteristics of
sportsmanship.
Parents thought it totally acceptable that players be
expected to play 'only by the written rules' of a sport
and should be expected to physically protect their
teammates if threatened. In both situations, the
response was in opposition to what is defined as
sportsmanship.
Most sports have 'unwritten' rules which need to be
taught.... Kicking a ball out of play when an opponent
is injured in soccer (for example). And going to any
physical action to 'protect' a team can well lead to
retaliatory behaviors... "You throw at my
batter.... I throw at yours".
In numerous meetings with parents, I have personally
witnessed this confusion, often between parents of the
same player. One parent has one expectation for the
sport, while the other parent has another.
This conflict of purpose is often experienced within
the confines of a club or booster meeting. It may
involve disagreements as to how teams are formed (i.e.,
equal sides or 'A' and 'B' teams, if there are to be
'cuts', how is playing time determined (remember China),
and whether players may 'play up' ... play on an
older team if physically able). Failure to resolve
issues such as these can have serious results later in
the season...the dissolution of a team or splitting of
community resources and efforts into two or more clubs.
Essentially this means that in some cases, parents
are unsure of what they want. In a sport experience. Or,
they want it all. "I want my son/daughter to play
on a championship team, share equal playing time with
everyone else, and end up feeling great about
themselves. " Coaches know that in competitive
situations this is unrealistic, but we need to meet with
parents and discuss this thoroughly.
In the spring of 1997, the same measure utilized in
1994 was given to three distinct groups of parents and
coaches. The parents were those of (1) state Olympic
Development soccer players and (2) regional Olympic
Development soccer players. The coaches were regional
and national soccer coaches. The purpose of the study
was to determine if level of competition affected
parental expectation of coaches and to see if there was
a conflict between what parents valued in a coach and
what the coaches thought parents valued.
The key aspect for coaches from this study was that
as the level of competition changed, so did the
expectations of parents. Coaches should not assume all
parents want or expect the same things for an athletic
experience.
That was apparent when the responses of parents were
compared to how coaches thought they would respond.
Overall parents valued sportsmanship more than coaches
thought they would, and, at the higher levels of
competition, valued commitment to enjoyment less. This
additionally emphasizes the need to...
"COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE,
COMMUNICATE":
The need for the initial team meeting between parents
and coaches has been well documented. In some athletic
departments and clubs, it is mandated. However, it is my
experience as both a researcher and practitioner, that
certain aspects of that initial meeting must be detailed
again and communicated repeatedly to all parents. Beyond
the obvious... where do we practice, what is the game
schedule, what are the costs..., it is absolutely
necessary that the coach be able to present and discuss
the competitive philosophy and overall guidelines of the
program and the individual team. Parents must understand
and accept, for example:
Will there be try-outs? How will selections / 'cuts'
be made?
If there are enough players for two teams at one level
or age group, will the team determination be by skill,
random selection, or an attempt to make evenly skilled
teams?
How will starting positions be determined?
How will playing time be established? (Remember
China?)
What is the expectation for practice / training time?
How often, how long, what is a 'legitimate' excuse for
missing practice?
If there are two squads (or more) such as a varsity
and junior varsity, what is the policy for players being
moved back and forth at a coach's discretion?
Are parents willing / able to support their child's
participation?
What may parents expect of coaches?
What may coaches expect of parents?
Below is an example of a pre-season letter to parents
informing them of a coach's philosophy and expectation
prior to their son trying out for a competitive team.
My Coaching Philosophy for U-15 Competitive Team:
Select the most skilled players (roster = 16 -18) who
are willing to commit to a Team* building season
selection will be based upon specific criteria (see
attached) at tryouts in January and player willingness
to commit to the Team*
Team Commitment:
this will be the primary extracurricular activity in
the spring ( from the time we can get outside until the
State tournament at the end of MAY)
4 practices a week, two hours per practice.... games on
Saturdays (last year we had ALL players at practice less
than 50% of time.... some players were gone for weeks at
a time.... can't do that and be competitive at this
level)
tournaments in Pocatello and Couer d Alene travel &
stay as a team (upon parent interest)
Other Coaching Expectations:
positions of players and team alignments based upon
my knowledge and experience as a coach, not where a
player played last year or in the fall... you should be
able (& willing ) to play any position (except
goalkeeper) which will help the team be in top physical
condition at start of outdoor practice.
Coaching observation: It has been my experience that
at this age and older, a number of things occur which
can distract from a successful team. One is the
perception of 'favoritism' on the part of a coach.
Players and their parents sometime feel that a coach
selects players for a roster based upon some unwritten
'special' criterion.... have known the player for years,
played for him in the past, played high school in the
fall, is his son...... If any of you believe that I
would do that, you should not support my petition.
I would anticipate and welcome players from Bozeman,
Belgrade, Gallatin Gateway... who did or did not play
high school...or did or did not play at all , to try
out. I will evaluate and treat all equally.
I want the best, most committed 16-18 players on our
team in the spring. This group has improved each
year..... but not as much as we could have. It is time
to change that. If I coach this spring, I plan to commit
and coach hard and have fun being the best. Join me if
you like.
Administrative Support-
The final 'side' of the relationship between parents,
coaches, and players has to be filled by strong
administrative support. Whoever fills that role must
ensure that all parties are represented fairly, and in
relationship to the goals and objectives of the athletic
program. It may be the athletic director, the club
president, or the general manager, and may be either a
fully funded position or a volunteer, but that
individual must be committed to the athletic
program.
Too often, athletic administrators either fail to
articulate formally the goals of the program or neglect
to communicate and support them to their constituents.
The process may be as informal as a general
parents/players meeting at the start of the season or as
formal as an officially signed contract of agreement
between the participants and the program staff.
As in so many areas of athletics, it is a mistake to
assume that everyone understands and agrees the
underlying goals, objectives and procedures in an
athletic program.
Certainly, these procedures neither complete, nor a
guarantee that all conflicts may be avoided. It is even
possible to have parents respond that, yes, they signed
the letter that they had read, understood and agreed to
the policies and procedures of the athletic program,
but, "You don't think I read it, do you?". In
that case, the administrator and coach have done all
they can do to communicate their approach to athletics.
References:
Stewart, C. (1994). Parents and coaches: Expectations
, attitudes and communication, Physical Educator, Vol.
51, Fall.
Stewart, C. (1996). The coach - parent meeting: The
initial contact, Strategies.
Stewart, C. (1996). Parents and sportsmanship:
Contemporary expectations, Physical Educator, Vol. 1,
Late Winter
Stewart, C. (1997). Parent-coach understanding: Another
look. Physical Educator.
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